BBC Online reports with due gravitas that residents of a Surrey town have set up a shrine and a Facebook tribute after a celebrity squirrel was run over. The albino squirrel had lived in St Martin’s churchyard, off Dorking High Street, for five years. Lou Gardey, who was among the first on the scene of the accident, said: “We all gave him nuts and food. Now it is as if a little light has gone out.” They’re all nuts!
The Southern Daily Echo tells its readers that a Hampshire councillor has made a video claiming that aliens are secretly walking the planet. Adrian Hicks says an organisation called Majestic, made up of scientists, military officers and politicians, has been tasked with making contact with extra-terrestrials. Earlier this year Hicks claimed that he had a close encounter with an alien in Winchester High Street. I wonder if he’s a member of the Raving Monster Loony Party? And if not – why not?
Kent Online informs us Tony Blair, Jonathan Ross and Anne Robinson have all been the big names burnt atop the bonfire at Edenbridge’s fireworks night. This year they will be joined by Katie Price, aka Jordan. A 25ft effigy of her will be going up in flames. “We hope she doesn’t take offence,” says event co-ordinator Charles Laver. Jordan? 25 ft? That will be just her breast implants then!
...AND A BIT OF THE BLARNEY...
RYANAIR has been accused of a "serious lack of imagination" after the airline insisted its 2010 cabin crew calendar was "art". The new calendar, featuring two Irish employees, is more risque than previous editions. The National Women’s Council of Ireland said the no-frills carrier was "irredeemably old-fashioned" for using images of scantily clad women to raise funds for charity. Ryanair might have no-frills but seemingly plenty of thrills!
...AND A TASTE OF WHAT WE ARE MISSING!
The Akron Beacon Journal told its readers: ““She came at my client with the stiletto [heeled shoe] and my client acted accordingly," says attorney Tom DiCaudo. His client, Chetania Davis, 22, a stripper in Akron, Ohio, had a dispute with a new dancer. Davis was allegedly upset with the new dancer, Jo Nolan, 52, who had started work at the club that day, because Davis thought she'd lure regular customers away from her. After angry words, Nolan allegedly came at Davis wielding her shoe, and Davis, who was eight months pregnant, grabbed the shoe and whacked Nolan over the head with it. Nolan suffered lacerations that took seven surgical staples to close. Assistant Prosecutor Norman Schroth called it a "he said, she said" case, and offered Davis a plea bargain: one year of probation. She accepted to "put all of this behind her," DiCaudo said.”” An eight month pregnant stripper! Only in the USA!
